Men usually take it as a challenge when it comes to handling an argument with their wives. Some say it’s healthy to argue with your wife, but sometimes the situation can result in hostile silence that feels like a physical presence. But how should we handle it? You may be thinking that your wife is being an annoyance, but for your sake, I’d like you to put that feeling aside and look at things from a different perspective, especially one different from your own. How can you handle your disagreements with your wife constructively, and without causing any lasting conflict?
Don’t shut your wife down.
There are many instances that may cause struggle in your marriage. I want to share a common example that most women usually complain about- arriving home late from work or whenever she expected you to be on time. If you find yourself in such a situation, and your wife is in the mood to let you have an earful, do yourself a favor and listen. By doing this, your wife will get a chance to vent and let you know what’s wrong, instead of uttering the dreaded ‘You should know why I’m mad!’. If, by some insane chance, you decide to be macho and tell her to calm down and be quiet, first make sure she’s not standing next to anything that’s blunt, sharp, or can be easily thrown. Then, if you can manage it, step outside of yourself for a moment and SHUT UP. Give her the time and necessary room to speak, to say what she has to tell you, and if necessary unleash a bit of hell on you before the course is run. Once that’s done and over with, for the moment, you can reply by trying to calm her and telling her your side of things.
What if she demands answers?
This is a crucial consideration since it may lead to an argument you can’t avoid. Before you answer a single question, use ‘I’ statements, not ‘you’ statements. If you use ‘you,’ she might feel like you are attacking her. Although she may not give you enough time to explain, don’t ever mention this statement ‘you never listen to me since it will worsen the situation. To make it simple, take note of these tips;
- If you can calm your wife down after an argument, do so with the promise that she will get the time she needs to speak. Trust me, let her talk.
- Step outside of your macho self for a moment and put your self in her shoes, then maybe you can understand where she’s coming from.
- Learn to read the room, as the saying goes. When the volume goes up, it means things are about to get heated. De-escalate the situation by listening to her, and then speak your peace.
- Avoid negative comments and definitely avoid any personal attacks. Take the blame if you have to, and later if she apologize (if it’s warranted) then be gracious about it.
- Get over that male prerogative that tells you that you need to be right all the time. Be ready and willing to listen and accept the fact that you might be wrong.
Fellas, we’re men, we’re going to be wrong. Deal with it.
It’s not a statement saying we’re always going to be wrong. But when it comes to your wife, just accept that you won’t get to assume you’re right that often. Take your lumps and treat your wife right, and it’s possible that if she cares about you that much that she’ll eventually show you her appreciation, and maybe even admit that there are times when you’re right. But don’t hold your breath.