Man Faces “STIFF” Opposition From Government Over His Penis Signature
What originally started out as a joke has turn into a five-year battle with the Australian government. Thinking that no one would pay attention, 33-year-old Jared Hyams from Blackburn South, a suburb of Melbourne Australia, thought it would be funny to draw a small penis as his signature on an application to change his address. Well, the Australian Electoral Commission didn’t have the same sense of humor. Hymans said: “When I did this signature all of a sudden the shit hit the fan. I was receiving letters and phone calls telling me I couldn’t have it. I thought, that’s interesting, why not?” That’s when the five-year battle started with the government over what constitutes a legit signature. “It sparked something in me,” he said. “I didn’t understand if these people were offended or had taken it personally.” So any application he filled out from this point forward included his doodle of a penis.
His application for a passport was refused by the Department of Trade and Foreign Affairs. The department made the claim that an image of sexual nature could be considered “sexual harassment” to government staff.
The Department of Justice also rejected his application for a Working with Children Check which Hyams said he “has some sensitivity to that position”.
Hyams did finally get one application to pass by the government with his new John Han”cock”. His new drivers license now sports the penis, hair balls and all.
The Victorian Commission for Gambling and Liquor Regulation also let the penis live in infamy: the male organ rests above the crest of the state government logo on his proof of age card.
Hyams has since used it to sign his federal government-issued health care card, open a bank account, become a member of a library and apply for various student identity cards.
“What a signature is comes down to the function, not the actual form,” he said. “Generally, it’s a person putting a mark on a piece of paper by their own hand. As soon as you start defining what a signature is you run into problems – if it’s meant to be someone’s name how do we define that because most signatures are just illegible scribble.”
Hyams say he will continue using the penis as a signature until it no longer has a purpose, meaning the federal government backs down.
“It’s been an interesting journey,” Mr Hyams said. “But none of it is resolved. Everything is just left hanging.”