Some men love the dating scene and some men stand outside of it wishing they could find a way to break in and enjoy it as much as their peers. Funny enough, it’s not that hard, but it becomes nearly impossible the harder one tries. As easy as it could be, sometimes dating can be one of the hardest, but also the most rewarding times in a man’s life since if a guy does find someone that he’s compatible with, then the memories and the relationship that follows will be worth every minute of nervous anxiety that precedes finding the right individual. One thing that should be made clear though is that while sex could possibly be a driving factor that can lead to a relationship, it shouldn’t be the only thing that a person thinks about since let’s be honest, sex is great, but without the passion or the promise of waking up next to someone that you find you can’t live without, the allure does begin to die down after a while and the thrill of it is something that becomes more akin to an addiction or a salve to keep the loneliness at bay.
Thinking that sex is a vital factor to a relationship is where a lot of guys go wrong from the start since too many fellas get too nervous about how they’re going to perform if their significant other is going to enjoy it, and so on and so forth. Sex is a nice reward for finding someone you’re compatible with, but ‘putting it on a pedestal’ is a huge mistake that a lot of people tend to make that isn’t worth the struggle and can lead to a lot of disappointment on both sides of the relationship. Walking into a relationship thinking about nothing other than sex is kind of like walking into a restaurant while only thinking about how good the food is going to be without thinking about the price. One way or another, everyone has to ante up something if they want something in return. Yes, I know there are such ladies as prostitutes, but do you really want to go down that road?
Dating advice for men
There are literally hundreds of books on dating, along with websites, and professionals, and who knows other sources that can provide dating tips, tricks, and sadly we’re all going to end up saying the same thing, which is to get your ass in gear and pull your head out of it so that you can see what you’re doing. Oh, was that too blunt? Well sorry cupcake, but the dating world isn’t going to hold your hand, or anything else, and guide you to the person that’s right for you. There are plenty of rules, guidelines, and points of etiquette as well as basic principles and a ‘man code’ and this and that which can be used in numerous ways to get you the partner you want. But if you want three basic things that are bound to help you just calm the hell down, then pay attention.
- Communicate: You know, use that opening beneath your nose and form those things called words. You might not use the right words, you might fumble your words, hell you might even use words that are barely intelligible. Just relax, pretend you’re talking to someone that you’ve known for ages, and by all means, let your eyes wander, but don’t be a creep. For example, don’t stare at a woman’s chest while talking to her. It’s okay to take note of an interesting t-shirt and possibly even glance at her body from time to time, but don’t linger. Let your different forms of communication fall in line with your words and just talk, be yourself, and for crying out loud, talk clearly and concisely. Few people want to talk to a mush mouth right from the start.
- Relax: This person you’re trying to talk to is a human being, so treat her, or him, like one. Don’t put them on a pedestal like some Greek deity, don’t act like they’re a movie star that you feel entirely beneath. They’re a human being just like you, so calm down when it comes to talking to them, and remember that they likely have interests that might intersect with yours, but it’s also possible that you might not mesh as nicely as you want. Calm down when you approach them and be polite, since quite honestly, no one wants to see a person jittering and juking around them like a crack addict needing a fix, it’s a little creepy.
Dealing with rejection/acceptance: Seriously bro, if the person wants to talk to you then calm down, don’t mess your pants, and ask when you can see them again. If they ask for your number instead of giving theirs, it’s not the end of the world, since it could mean they’re still debating if they want to say yes or not. If you get those digits then don’t pump your fist in the air or give that cowboy yell of triumph, since they might not answer the phone when you call. If they say yes to a date, then be cool, act like you’ve done this before (even if you haven’t), and smile as you walk off. Even throwing out a ‘see you later’ isn’t frowned upon. But if they’re not interested and don’t appear inclined to continue the conversation, then accept it. Some guys will keep pushing up on the object of their affection, and while this can work, sometimes, it’s best not to push it just in case since these days you never know who’s carrying what and who has the cops on speed dial.
The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating
It’s kind of sad that such lessons have to be repeated to those who should be well aware of the fundamentals that go into dating. But there are still men out there that think they’re cute, funny, and at the same time are ready to ‘lay down the law’ once they have the woman they want on their arm. If you do manage to hit it big in the dating scene, there are a few things that you might want to think about, such as:
Do: Talk about anything and everything that interests you. There are bound to be secrets that you keep from each other, and that’s okay. But the more you talk and the more intimate you become, the easier those secrets might be to tell at one point. If you can’t communicate then the relationship is going to crumble eventually since a strong bond depends on give and take when it comes to sharing a life with each other.
Don’t: You don’t have to make a big deal about everything, but showing you care by bringing up small matters that could escalate into big problems is a good idea. Don’t overlook something simply because you’re not interested in it at the moment since it could be something that your SO is interested in and wants to discuss. Don’t overlook anything that might become something big.
Do: Admit when you’re wrong. The only thing that it’ll sting is your pride more often than not, and this can heal pretty quickly as compared to what might happen if you stand your ground. You know that saying ‘is this the hill you want to die on?’, well consider that every time you get into an argument, which is going to happen in any strong relationship. Think about if this is the hill you want to sacrifice your relationship on when this happens since that’s the reality of it.
Don’t: Take a ‘my way or the highway’ approach, especially if you’re only dating. To some people that open road is going to look awfully tempting, and it won’t lead back to you as much as you might think. Being flexible while dating is a good habit to get into since it leads to being flexible when it comes to a relationship. Stow your male pride and dignity sometimes and realize that there’s usually more than one way to get what you want and that letting others have their way is sometimes the best route to that goal. Seriously, the ‘my way or the highway’ in a relationship is akin to that of a spoiled kid trying to dominate the schoolyard.
There are a few do’s and don’ts for the bedroom as well, since if you’re lucky enough to get that far then you’ll want to know just how to make it work so that your SO won’t go looking for the BBD, the bigger better deal (get your mind out of the gutter, mine needs to float by).
Do: Talking dirty can be a definite turn-on, but you do need to set some boundaries in order to avoid going too far. Trust me, you don’t want a woman to repeat the Scary Movie (I’m gonna fart in your mouth Ray!) since that kind of kills the mood unless you’re into that type of thing…you sick, lovable freak, haha. But seriously, talking dirty can definitely make a big difference in the bedroom since it can people riled up in a way that makes the sex even better somehow.
Don’t: Dominating someone can be a turn-on if they’re into that and if they are, then more power to you. But the point is that dominating someone as a turn-on is still consensual, as a lot of people want to have fun during sex and don’t want to feel like they’re obligated to do anything they don’t want to. Trying to do what you want without the partner’s consent can lead to rape charges and while that’s not usually the intent, these days it’s something that a person doesn’t want to play around with. Hell, it’s never been something that a person wants to play around with. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both people, so if there’s domination going on, then make sure both of you agree to it beforehand. Other than that, let your freak flag fly.
Seriously, dating and sex don’t need to be this hard
People are social creatures by nature, but there are always exceptions to that immutable fact. When trying to date someone there are a lot of different rules imposed by and held up by society. Some of them are for your safety and the safety of the person you’re trying to impress, while others are kind of ridiculous and are usually borne of a desperate need to understand why some folks just can’t appear to find the perfect match. Talk to someone, let them get to know you, and if they’re not the right one, then move on. Seriously, it’s not that difficult.
