It kind of depends on how one defines the word.
Being a ‘player’ comes with a host of issues that might be attributed to a guy that’s playing the field, meaning he’s not committed to any one woman, but is looking around to see who he’s compatible with, or can be rightly given to a guy that engages in more than one fling at a time with women that might know nothing about his other activities. Let’s make it clear right now, guys that belong in the latter classification can be decent individuals that don’t like commitment, or they can be utter douchebags that enjoy getting what they want from women before they get bored and move on. That’s not to say that guys in the former classification are much better at times, since being indecisive and afraid to pull the trigger on a relationship due to fear and uncertainty is just as much of a turnoff as being cheated on. But the fact is that while negative connotations are taken from both classifications, there are plenty of positive traits that come from both as well.
Guys, women think they have us figured out, and they’re not entirely wrong. A lot of us are simple creatures that want a few things from a woman initially, and might learn to want even more when we figure out what they have to give. Some guys know what they want, be it the simple, visceral connection that involves sex and instant gratification, while some of us have no clue what we want and might as well be blind men stumbling around a dark room with only the whiff of perfume to let us known that someone had been there. A lot of guys want to be players because they think it’s cool, they like the idea of having sex with different women as much as they can, and it gives them a sense of power, as they can manipulate their way into one bed or another and get away without having to catch feelings afterward. More frustrating than this is the fact that women apparently let them do it because they don’t mind being charmed and swept off their feet for a while since it gives them the same high that guys seek out when they’re trying to get something.
Get it straight, none of these are blanket statements, since men and women are incredibly diverse and do want different things than the rest of their gender. But what I’m talking about are those that willingly enter this game of lust and pseudo-love to get a little of what they need and then move on to the next person to keep the cycle going. Players can be nice guys, they can be genuine, and they can be some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. But the best among them will rely heavily on honesty and respect, and their manipulations will be passive since that one word, respect, will prove to be too strong for them to actively try to get a woman to give in to their charms. In other words, a real player is out to have fun and not worry about getting serious, and they’ll let the woman, or women, they’re with know this without question. It doesn’t sound like what you see in the movies, does it? Well, if you haven’t figured out that the movies are a lot of bs wrapped up in a neat package for entertainment purposes, then I’m not sure if you’re ready to hear the rest of this. For the rest of you, read on.
Don’t be a creeper.
One of the first things a player needs to do is work on how they speak to women since very few women like to sit and stare at a guy that won’t talk to them. That’s creepy, to put it mildly, since all you’re doing is giving off a type of vibe that a lot of people can’t stand since they have no idea what you’re thinking. A player is the type of person that doesn’t necessarily light up the room with their smile, but shows their confidence and charm by interacting with people. Knowing how to read the room and any given situation is important since if women don’t want to talk and can’t be convinced that your company is welcome then you might need to work on your approach, or your ability to judge when it’s okay and when it’s downright awkward to try and join in a conversation. A player knows how to work their way into a person’s trust by being genuine, friendly, and charming. Just hanging around like a creep isn’t going to cut it.
It’s frustrating to those with social anxiety.
I get it, trying to get out and be social sometimes is a difficult thing for some folks that don’t know how to put themselves out there. Anxiety is a real bitch for those that can barely get two words out without sounding awkward or somehow scared to the point of running away if a woman talks to them. I’ve been there, a lot of guys have been there. What do you say? How do you introduce yourself? What happens if you get rejected or shut down? These are all valid concerns, but they’re all things that are banished by 1) being confident, 2) taking a risk, and 3) thinking of something that might be of interest. There are a lot of other steps to think about, but if you manage to boil it down to having the courage to speak to women and being confident about it, then you’ve taken a huge step forward and should see at least a moderate amount of success.
You know what will happen then? You’ll get used to talking to people, and you’ll probably like it. If you don’t, no harm, no foul. You put yourself out there, and that’s what matters.
Here’s a tough one: don’t be boring.
Trust me, no one wants to hear about the time you went on a family vacation…unless that happens to be a part of the conversation. Even if it is, think about something unique, exciting, or out of the ordinary that might make a good story. One of the worst things you can do when trying to be a player is finding a story to tell that’s bound to bore people to tears. Women don’t like it, appreciate it, and most other people don’t as well. You don’t need to do what a wannabe player would do and lie about your exploits, but most folks can come up with a funny or touching anecdote that can make them appear a bit more interesting to others, so maybe you should be wracking your brain before you even begin to speak. It doesn’t matter what story you’re telling, unless it’s wildly inappropriate. Just make it funny, make it touching, or make it interesting. Ladies tend to remember the interesting guy as well as the boring guys, but if you happen to be the latter you’ll be an afterthought, or a cautionary tale.
Women don’t owe you anything, remember that.
Just because you’re fun, flirty, and can get a woman’s attention doesn’t mean they owe you a damn thing. If you’re doing your best and imagine that they should be rewarding you with their attention, then you’ve failed, badly. Women will decide who they find interesting and who they’ll steer clear of, meaning anyone that’s bound to put them to sleep from sheer boredom. It would be cheaper than a sleeping pill, there’s no doubt of that, but do you really need your spirit crushed in such a manner? Women will decide as to whether or not you’re worth their time, and what’s unfortunate is that if you do act like an asshole there are plenty of women who will mistake that for confidence and courage. Trust me on this one, women will make their choice, but much like men, they don’t always choose what’s good for them, as they decide to pick the guys that are trying way too hard. But oh well, it happens.
Women do like nice guys. No, really.
Girls like assholes for a couple of reasons, one of those being that they think it’s their job to change the man from an uncaring and disrespectful brute into a finely-tuned gentleman. But if we, as men, try to change women, we’re the jerks, right? Anyway, girls love assholes because of the bad boy stereotype; the idea that the bad boy is wild, adventurous, and hides away a heart of gold. Meh, some women watch too many movies or read too many romance novels. Women do like nice guys, but you know what they enjoy when it comes to nice guys? They like confidence, the strength of character, someone who’s genuinely interesting, and someone who will be good to them, flatter them, and otherwise make them feel good about themselves. If you can be that guy without being a douche about it, then you might be the one they’re looking for, either for good or at least for a little bit. A player will make a woman feel good about herself, but a real player will leave her feeling that she had a great time with someone that will remain a pleasing memory for a while to come.
You’re never too old to be a player.
Sure, it’s kind of creepy to try and be a player with women who are young enough to be your daughters, or granddaughters, but the onus is kind of on them as well. Women that are legal adults have that right to be wooed by anyone they happen to like. Being a player doesn’t have to mean that you sleep with anyone that will have you and run a train of women behind you.
Being a player is more about having a good time with life, and making certain that you’re remembered as a gentleman that knows how to show a lady a good time, and treat her accordingly. Anyone can be a player provided that they’re confident, honest, and respectful to women. Having fun isn’t a bad thing, so long as everyone agrees that this is all it is.
WTR? (Why’s That Radass?)
You can be a player if you want to, but if you want success and respect at the same time, you’ll learn what it means to really respect women. Have fun, enjoy your life, but let the women that you woo know what’s up. That’s what it’s about guys, respect, for yourselves and for the ladies you desire. THAT’S being a player.