Alcohol doesn’t make the world go ‘round, but sometimes it makes it spin a bit faster!
I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. I am drunk and drunk’s go to parties!
I am a recovering alcoholic. Or as my wife calls it “hungover”.
How do know when a man is planning for his future? He buys 2 cases instead of 1!
You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor and not hold on!
I got so drunk one time I woke up in a bottle chalk outline!
I only drink 2x a year. On my birthday, and when it’s not my birthday!
What is a drunk mans idea of a balanced diet? A beer in each hand!
Swearing off booze is easy. I’ve done it thousands of times.
The cost of living just went up another dollar a fifth!
Studies show breast implants cause nausea and dizziness-from all the free drinks!
My wife drove me to drink and I have yet to say thank you!
I don’t drink all the time. Sometimes I sleep!
My boyfriend told me I don’t need to drink to make myself more fun, I told him I don’t I drink to make you more fun!
You might be a redneck if you’re ever too drunk to fish!
