A funny story for my girlfriend, a sad story for my dick.
This is a story about an accident, (or is it a SEXIDENT?) that happened in my college dorm room, about 12 years ago, while my roommate was asleep and I was trying to have sex with my girlfriend. My girlfriend at the time, let’s call her Ally, was with me for a couple of months and we were still in the honeymoon phase, having sex whenever we’d meet, multiple times in one session.
I wanted to bite my girlfriend’s ass all day.
So, like a normal person, I texted her about it and we planned on having some sexy time when we could hook up later. Ally came over a little after 11 PM, after my roommate, let’s call him Freddy, was asleep. I asked Ally to get on all fours and let me bite her in the ass. She agreed, and I went ahead and bit. I had a half–chub and was ready to get it on.
What came next was pure hell.
Apparently, I bit too strongly for Ally this time, so she mule-kicked me. There might not have been any problem with this, but her aim was a little too good that night. After a brief delay, I received a strange, pulsing sensation that I identified as a message from my dick, saying: I’m dying! HELP!
The agony was beyond any type I’ve ever felt. I was sure it was broken. I was gasping for air, trying to hide my tears. When I asked Ally to help, I suddenly noticed, she was laughing so hard she was crying. The hysterical laughter coming from Ally woke Fred up, who then turns the light on and sees me with my legs spread out on the wall, holding my dick in my hands while my girlfriend was laughing hysterically.
In Ally’s defense, the kick was instinctual. She apologized and said she didn’t even notice she did it until she’s seen me with said “pap–smear pose”, as she called it. In my dick’s defense, Ally didn’t laugh at it. She laughed because it was a ridiculous situation, as I said it to Freddy’ –who in turn didn’t believe me. I grabbed my penis and did some physical therapy; moving it in all directions and checking for a range of motion. This made Ally laugh so hard it sounded like screams, which sounded like my soul dying. Seems fitting.
Making peace with my dick.
A few minutes later, Ally stopped laughing and wiped her evil tears. Fred went back to sleep, and Ally gave me what I could only think of as an apology as she showed me her oral technique once again. I was thrilled to be still able to ejaculate, as I really thought it got broken, and not by some girl riding it.
All was well with my dick from that point on. Ally never kicked my dick again thank the good lord. We broke up two years later and I’ve heard she’s gotten married and has 5 kids now. Lucky for her husband, because obviously, his penis is intact. Fred and I stayed friends and we still are, but he lives in a different state now. Until this day, whenever we meet every few years and get drunk enough, he spreads his legs up in the air, holding his dick in his hands, yelling: “I think it’s broken!”
Did you ever get your dick kicked? Balls, yes, but penis? What is the weirdest sexident you’ve been involved with? We don’t judge, we share, in the comment section.
